wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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