I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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