I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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