A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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