I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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