I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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