they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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