If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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