my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize