wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize