Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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