Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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