So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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