yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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