I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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