I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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