Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
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Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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