if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
