We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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