My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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