sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
