spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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