woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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