Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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