Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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