It's like God shit irony all over that family
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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