Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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