This girl is more easily done than said...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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