they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize