Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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