Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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