Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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