I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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