sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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