When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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