her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
look no pants
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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