Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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