Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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