he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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