With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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