When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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