I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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