I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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