In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
why is half of my head shaved?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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