connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize