At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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