I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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