The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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