I looked at my own cervix.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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