The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
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Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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