He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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