I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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