This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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