On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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